Weddings in North Carolina

IT WON’T RAIN is NOT a rain plan!!!

I first discussed this under the heading: “Brides Do Not Control the Heavens.”

Whenever a bride calls to hire us for an outdoor wedding,
one of my first questions is:
“What Is Your Rain Plan??”
So this is a common bride’s response:
“IT’S NOT GOING TO RAIN!”
OK, I say that’s not a rain plan.

Yes, it seems wasteful to have full tent cover if you’re having an outdoor wedding, which are otherwise very economical. Yes, tents are expensive. Yes, gorgeous tiny historic inns and houses are wonderful places to have outdoor weddings IF IT DOESN’T RAIN. But outdoor weddings can also be ruined…

… by intense heat – I played at one where the bride FAINTED AND FELL DOWN IN THE SAND and a friend’s contradance band played one in a tobacco barn in August where it was so hot – and odorous from the tobacco fumes – that several people got queasy and had to leave…

… by cold – imagine ladies shivering in their lovely wedding dresses and having to borrow the gents’ jackets INCLUDING the bride in her strapless wedding gown! …

… by wind – some friends were playing jazz outdoors when high winds knocked over a tent pole that was moored in a heavy piece of concrete and sent it smashing down on the pianist’s piano, narrowly missing his head…

I haven’t yet played a wedding ruined by unexpected snow or hail (I live in Chapel Hill North Carolina, after all!) but it’s not inconceivable.

Here’s my diary post from an outdoor wedding.

The weather was cold, grey, drizzly. Even in a long sleeve shirt and sweater I was cold – imagine how shivery were the bride, wearing one of those strapless wedding dresses so popular this season, and her bridesmaids, wearing thin flouncy maroon chiffon dresses with spaghetti straps (out from under several of which could be seen large, garish tattoos featuring, on one bridesmaid, bold multicolored patches floweringly blazoned CARPE on one shoulder-blade and DIEM on the other).

So everybody was late, late, late getting on site – probably hoping the weather was going to turn. So Jim and I were sitting in a light drizzle, the legs of our chairs sinking a little into the mud, playing for the few hardy souls willing to sit on damp and clammy chairs.

The huddled assemblage’s few desultory conversations were punctuated by anxious looks up into the sky.

We’ve been hired for a wedding at Duke Gardens in Durham NC. The Sarah P. Duke gardens do a rollicking business in weddings – they have a nice building (which my daughter will be married in this June) and they also have many BEAUTIFUL spots in the garden, a pergola for instance, which overlooks a lovely pool, where they book weddings in and out in 2-3 hour slots all day long. The problem is, the pergola and the other outdoor spots do not have any cover in case of rain.

Here are some comments people left on that blog post. The last one has a really good solution to this problem!:

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Brrrs. Not exactly dream weddings in the wet and cold.

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Loved this post. Some years ago my eldest daughter planned her outdoor wedding to take place on a bluff beside a mountain walking track and ordered a pair of 4WD buses to transport the guests out to the location. It rained! Fortunately there was a rain plan and we sat under a marquee at the nearby resort, but still shivering.

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This is so funny. I’ve sat through so many outdoor wedding in the summer in Texas. Folks, it’s really, really hot here in July! Even in September, honestly. We’re all shvitzing and the Rabbi says, “Don’t worry. I haven’t lost a bride yet! Someone might faint, but not the bride!”

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Just last night I was at a wedding, winter wedding near Jerusalem, outdoor chuppah. My friend and I went in, since our feet were frozen. So we sat at the table and shmoozed, sort of rude but much healthier than watching the ceremony.

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Fortunately, I’m an engineer and I never design anything without safety factors. I had an extra large tent WITH walls, two large propane powered heaters, etc. My wedding took place during a nor-easter, a few hundred feet from Lake Erie, and it worked out wonderfully! During a break in the rain, we got some beautiful photos by the lake with my hair flying and the water roiling behind us.

A friend sent me this, she knows I’m fascinated by unusual wedding cakes. I’m not sure I’d eat this but I sure like looking at it!

Can’t you see how awful this is? Photographers, just say no!

Hannah sent me a link to this shoe, which costs $595, has a 5″ heel, and is called “Benjamin Adams Sissy” if you want to look for it. This shoe, dancing, and champagne: wouldn’t mix well in my opinion…

Thomas J. Kelly of I Hate Weddings has devised a mathematical formula for figuring out how much money to give at a wedding. He starts with a base figure of $75.00. Excerpts:

You brought a date to the wedding.
Add $75.00
You were invited to bring a date but couldn’t find one.
Add $25.00
You were not invited to bring a date.
Subtract $25.00
You were not invited to bring a date but brought one anyway.
Add $5.00

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This is the bride or groom’s second or third marriage
Subtract $50.00

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Open Bar for alcohol
Add $25.00
Cash Bar for alcohol
(*Ask for a receipt every time you order a drink. Deduct the total amount of money you spent on alcohol. Then put the receipts in the envelope with your gift)
Subtract *
Dinner is served Buffet Style
Subtract $10.00
The reception is a Denny’s Breakfast buffet.
Subtract $20.00
Cash Bar for soda **
(**If they charge you for soda at the wedding DO NOT GIVE A GIFT. Immediately,
go to the bride, kick her in the shin and then go home.)

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They hired a band
Add $5.00 for each piece
This is the first time the band has ever played a gig outside of their garage.
Subtract $4.00 for each piece
The band is a "Neil Diamond Tribute" band.
Subtract $10.00
The D.J. or band leader can’t remember the bride or groom’s name.
Subtract $10.00
The D.J. or band played "The Chicken Dance," "The Macarena," or "The YMCA".
Subtract $5.00 for each

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You were in the bridal party or given a special role in the wedding.
Add $50.00
You had to rent a tux or buy a dress for the wedding.
Subtract $10.00
Someone at the wedding volunteers to serenade the Bride and Groom with a song he/she wrote specifically for their wedding.
Subtract $10.00
You serenade the Bride and Groom with a song you wrote specifically for their wedding.
Add $75.00
You were asked to fill out your own thank you card envelope.
Subtract $75.00

Actually, I first saw these paddle fans when I went down to Alabama for the first annual national Sacred Harp Singing Convention, probably in 1979. Some friends and I hopped in a VW beetle and rolled down from Boston! It was the first time I’d ever seen a cotton field! It was the first time I experienced Chick-Fil-E! Or barbeque of an entire animal!

We visited some small non-airconditioned churches (in fact some did not have indoor plumbing, they had instead a “Men’s Trail” and a “Lady’s Trail”). Many of the parishioners were vigorously operating personal fans with Jesus on them. (Some had ads for funeral homes on them, savvy advertising considering the average age of those in attendance.)

I’d never seen such a thing but I certainly wished *I* had one too…

So I was pretty thrilled when we showed up to play at a wedding way out in the country, in a tent out under the blistering June sun, and were handed these! Of course, you can’t hold a fan and play the fiddle at the same time, but I liked this wedding souvenir so much I’ve kept it for nine years.

I wonder if they were hand-made? They are laminated, very stiff cardboard, with the paddle glued on the back (that’s better than staples for sure).

There are many sources on line, here are some examples (I haven’t dealt with them, so not recommendations):
Inkhead.com
U.S. Imprints.com
Hand Fan Factory
Hand Fans Direct

Some will do a minimum as low as 130. Some will do full-color as part of the base price, but at some places you pay extra set-up etc. for each separate color (these places are obviously using real printing presses rather than ink-jet printers). Watch out for the weight of the stock – I would say 16 point is a minimum and more is better.

The fan I pictured here is laminated. I’m not sure who does that. Anyway, I’ve seen these fans at a few more weddings and think they’re a great idea.

OK, I promise I’m done now with my morning finds at Goodwill Industries. But how could you do better than this?

It occurs to me that a fun parlor game for your bridal shower would be the “Yankee Auction.” As this was explained to me (by a dear friend from Maine), it works like this:

• There are a bunch of fabulous gifts like these and the ones in the previous post, all laid out to be admired and compared.

• Everybody picks a number out of a hat.
• The person who draws number one picks their favorite present.
• Number two now has two choices: she can choose among the presents remaining on the table – OR, she can TAKE AWAY Number one’s present!
• Number three can do the same thing. And you can go around and around until…

Actually, I forget how it ends. Anybody?

I found these all in four minutes. Think what amazing things you could come up with if you dropped by the thrift shop every week or so for a few months.

Depending on how macabre a sense of humor your friends have, they may enjoy the trinkets that can be found at Goodwill Industries and other junk (uh, antique) stores. Take this for instance.

Or this. What is it, do you suppose? Don’t you think it would be appreciated by some of your more ironic friends fully as much as those stupid wedding favors and bridal shower gifts people usually give?

Long ago, I made my own wedding dress and I think it was beautiful and it was very inexpensive. I never wore it again so, since I’m a frugal person, I’m glad the wedding material was not too expensive and the labor costs were nil. However, others have more luxurious notions. This one, too, was sent to me by my daughter the bride-to-be. Her IM discussion about it with a long-time friend is below.

[caption id="attachment_59" align="alignnone" width="225" caption="Hand-made wedding dress, back detail"][/caption]

Daughter:	“This is my new concept for wedding dress:”
Friend:	“Honestly, I don’t hate it, aside from the weird loin cloth/ exposed leg thing. which i guess is more than half of the dress… “What if you just bought lace and satin in bulk, and wait til day of to wrap it around yourself? It’s like a surprise! and everyone loves surprises at weddings.”
Daughter:	“Sounds great. “Gladiator mummy” is a very original wedding theme. What kind of centerpieces would go with it, do you think?”
Friend:	“The heads of slaves who died in battle. Or, would that be too red… ?”
Daughter:	“No, I think that’s good. We could also get a really big cake and have mummies jump out of it and engage the guests in battle. Seems like a good way to keep people awake and alert during the reception, since those can otherwise get tedious.”

I honestly didn’t think I’d be writing about things like this, but my daughter is funny and I thought her happy viewpoint might entertain some other marrying couples. Back to the regular broadcast soon!

If you think I shouldn’t be posting things like this, please leave a comment! However, I think all of us (me included, as mother of the bride) need to take things less seriously. Enjoying your wedding day is the most important thing. I’ve seen some brides make themselves, their grooms, their bridesmaids and friends, and above all THEIR MOTHERS (ahem) and their FIANCES’ MOTHERS miserable!

Am I crazy or is this a problem? Both my mother and I agree that her wearing red as mother of the groom is crazy but am I overreacting?

Being tense and picky is more likely to wreck your wedding than the color of the dress your MIL (mother-in-law’s dress in bride slang) wears. Relax!

well, ok, she was just kidding, but she asked me: “Am I the doctor, or is my fiance?” (click for larger view)

My daughter found these for me.